Are the Chinese loud?

For first timers in China, the experience of a business lunch will always be memorable. Not only will they be overwhelmed by the variety of foods at the restaurant, their every sense will be bombarded by the noise usually at ear-splitting decibels.

“What is everyone arguing about in that restaurant?” my Australian business colleague asked me one day after lunch. It was his first trip to China and his first business lunch in Guangzhou.

He did not know that the Chinese has a high cultural noise threshold.

Yes, there is indeed such a term as cultural noise threshold (CNT). It is the level of decibel beyond which it becomes socially unacceptable during a conversation.

Generally most would think that Asians have a higher CNT than the west. If one Googled “LOUD TOURIST” you will find most hits on the first page would refer to the rude loud-talking Chinese tourists. So why are the Chinese so loud from the West’s perspective? Is it cultural or simply a result of 1.3 billion people trying to talk to each other?

This has always puzzled me until now.

Realising that high CNT affects the image of the country internationally; a State Department joined forces with the country’s tourism industry planned an image makeover. The result was a ‘World’s Citizen Guide” booklet published recently (see link below) for citizens travelling overseas. The guide espoused the values of lowering one's volume when talking and further suggested; do not boast, do not lecture, act small, do not be didactic….. http://worldcitizenguide.org/pressDownloads/WorldCitizensGuide.pdf

Wait a minute; is this guide appropriate for China?

I forgot to mention this was created by the State Department in Washington in the USA.

Yes - this guide was for Americans travelling overseas.

On the second page of the Google search “LOUD TOURISTS” – Americans, Africans, Arabs, Spanish, Italians and Brazilians are also listed. Together with Asians, this group comprises 70% of the world's population.

Perhaps we have got the CNT wrong after all. If we used it as a measurement of softness then for those talking below the CNT would be considered rude and uncivilised as they do not speak up enough for majority of the people in the world to hear them.

Now I got the answer – the Chinese are not loud – it is the others who are soft. How rude of them.

“Stop mumbling..…..Please speak up!”

They eat their phlegm

Notice the spittoon on the floor between them

A Chinese farmer, in his eighties, complains about the rapid pace of westernisation in the country. He thinks China ought to be selective in adopting western culture confessing he has never been to Macdonalds or Starbucks. He believes burgers and coffee are bad for his digestive system.

However, the farmer believes the worst habit from the west is eating one’s own phlegm.

“Do you know what western people do with their phlegm?” smoke bellowing from his bamboo pipe.

“I was told they clear their throat, and then silently eat the phlegm” squinting his eyes adding more wrinkles to his weathered face.

“I find that habit vile” loudly clearing his throat and spitting the contents into a porcelain spittoon.

During the historic meeting in 1982 between Deng Xioping and Margaret Thatcher, Deng would often expectorate loudly into a spittoon strategically placed between them. In the polluted Beijing air, Margaret Thatcher was reported to have caught a cold and in the duration of the entire meeting coughed to clear her throat. She never used the spittoon. I wonder what Deng would have thought.

Had she used the spittoon and not ate her phlegm would the course of history change? Would she have kept British sovereignty over Hong Kong for another 150 years? Instead she conceded to handing Hong Kong back to the Chinese in 1997.

In today’s global community, to expectorate loudly and openly is considered uncivilised not to mention unhealthy. To the west it’s considered vile, a habit that is bred out of children at a very young age.

What then is the alternative?

There are only two options, silently and in private spitting it out OR simply swallowing. Most would choose the latter as place and time often does not permit doing the former. The problem is close to 1.3 billion people in the world find the latter vile and this Chinese farmer is one of them.

What then do we do? Loose the sovereignty of a nation or just do what the masses do?

The serious side of SIGNs

Below are a selection of SIGNs I came across.  Enjoy........

In a seafood restaurant:
Fresh Crap for 7.99/lb

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

In a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

A sign in a local hotel during breakfast.
Bums with meat

Unintended results

Below is a welcome card, translated into English, provided by a small town hotel north of China. The hotel prides itself in their customer service. 

Unfortunately the well meaning messages were translated with unintended results.

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

See I told you so.......